Anyone that thinks we lost the royal family with the Declaration of Independence is sadly mistaken. Princess Nancy Patricia D’Alsendro Pelosi (No, I did not make that up) is reigning emperess of these fine United States, and no one’s going to convince her otherwise.
The latest chapter in her multi-part, made-for-tv drama consists of Princess P being an air plane hog and demanding that military jets are at her disposal at all times. In fact, she and her team of nitwits are sure to book a military plane, at the taxpayers expense no less, every weekend in case P gets the urge to go shopping on 5th Avenue across the country in New York, or in case she gets really bored at one of those stupid congress sessions and wants to make a bee line for the vineyard/San Fransisco estate/Magic fairy princess castle. Now, of course, her preferred mode of transportation is enchanted unicorn, but a private military jet that she travels on free of charge will do just fine (I hear B.O. has the unicorn reserved so he can travel more efficiently when ruining our foreign relations. I wonder what kind of fuel economy a unicorn gets?). Also, an official at the Defense Department said that Pelosi often cancels flights the day of the scheduled flight; far too late for anyone to take the scheduled flight instead and wasting millions of our dollars in flight prep work. Think of all the money we’d save if Mystical Sea Hag Pelosi just flew commercial!
Subject: i need a air plane pleze.
Message: hi barak!! its princess nancy pelosi and i have suuuuuper special request. i like need a air plane every weekend of my life. i don’t wanna fly on those stinky regular planes, the bathrooms smell like one of those nasty city buses. i need a air plane that smells like my britney spears perfume. so if u could preeeetty pleze tell that guy in charge of those really neato army planes that i need 1 i would really be happy and probably even show up 4 the next congress session thingy. so lemme no very very very soon pleze and i might make you a night in a shiny army and your wife (melissa?) can be a princess that you can save too.
Subject: Re: i need a air plane pleze.
Message: what up Naaancy! i’s just gone tell ya that my boi over at the army’s gone hook ya up with a real nice ride. you set for however long you need it! if you don’t need it just let him no whenever, i think he voted for mccain so i don’t mine making him wate. hope its all good!
Alright, alright, these are obviously not the real e-mails (all errors are intentional), but they are what I imagined they said before looking at the real e-mails. These are all in good fun; if you take offense by them please don’t let me know. 🙂
For the real e-mails and other documents, click here.
Nancy Pelsoi is one of the richest members of Congress, yet she won’t pay for her own personal flights, and requires a private military jet every time she travels. She is an arrogant, elitist snob that has no clue what normal life is like in America. When people with a skewed view of society are in power they can’t make decisions that are meant to benefit the common-folk. I’m not saying we should shun Princess P for her financial success, but her “I run this joint” attitude proves she’s not capable of seeing the world from an everyday American’s perspective. Unless she sees herself through our eyes, she will never hang up the tiara and do what’s best for America.
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