Tag Archives: political humor

Stock Market Terminology: What it All Really Means

This is a hilarious post by Hale McCay of It Occured to Me.  Be sure and visit that blog and read more hilarious content like what’ s listed below!

CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST
— Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

What’s your favorite term on the list?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to bookmark The Conservative Journal and sign up for the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

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Thanks for reading!

Rick

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DUmmies Exposed: 7th Grade Education > Homeschooling

Democratic DUmmies from the DUmp

How many times have you heard a Democrat preach about how they are the open-minded party of love and compassion?  Chances are, the number of times you’ve heard that and the number of times you’ve talked to a Democrat are equal.  In the time I’ve been following the DUmp, I’ve noticed that this is absolutely not the case.  Here’s the latest evidence of that in a post titled:

Would you hire a job applicant who was Home-schooled?

ThomWV (1000+ posts) Tue Sep-15-09 08:24 AM
Original message
Would you hire a job applicant who was Home-schooled?
Years ago in a job I had it was necessary, from time to time, for me to select people to be hired for the company. When there was a position that needed to be filled I’d head down to the Personnel Office where I’d be given current job applications for review. I’d pick the one’s I liked and they’d arrange appointments for interviews and so on.

I had that job for about four years and in that time I never saw an application from anyone who indicated they were ‘home schooled’. If I had seen that I would have passed it over faster than a 7th grade drop out.

How about you, would you do the same – reject home schooled applicants out of hand without further consideration? There are certainly examples of well educated children who were home schooled and others who are not but overall how do you feel about home schooling?

Seriously?  What kind of bogus reasoning is this?  I’d like for this DUmmy to show me exactly where he drew the conclusion that homeschooled students don’t know more than a 7th grade dropout.  Maybe this is really a homeschooled student trying to figure out what his job prospects are?  Well, regardless of the thought process (or lack thereof) behind this post, I must commend those DUmmies that stood up to Thom and said they’d hire a homeschooler in a heartbeat.  If you were a math equation you’d equal 0.5DUmmy.

What do you think of this DUmmy’s display of ignorance?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to bookmark The Conservative Journal and sign up for the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

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Thanks for reading!

Rick

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Filed under DUmmies Exposed

On a Scale of One to Ten: Top 10 Life Lessons You Can Learn from ACORN

Pre-P.S., “On a Scale of One to Ten” is the new name of the series that was previously known as simply “Top Tens”.

ACORN has taught us so much.. let us reflect on their vast knowledge.

ACORN has taught us so much.. let us reflect on their vast knowledge.

ACORN sure has been in the news a lot lately.  But even though they’ve been beaten down every day since last Thursday by a continuous flow of scandalous behavior, their acts aren’t all bad:  The various employees featured in the ACORN scandal tapes have taught us MANY life lessons.  Look below at the “Top 10 Life Lessons You Can Learn from ACORN!”

(In no particular order)

  1. You can find common ground with anything. Imagine this scenario:  You’re a prostitute.  You’re ashamed of your work and you think others may judge you.  THINK AGAIN.  Video 4 shows us that the lady who is paid with your tax dollars very well may have been a prostitute a few short years ago.  You never know unless you ask.
  2. Take pride in all that you do. Even if it’s prostitution.  Video 1 shows us that girls should never be embarrassed by what they do with themselves, as long as they are happy and doing well.  Forget that it’s illegal and trashy, to say the least.
  3. Performing Arts is a very brooooaaaaad career field. Video 1 strikes again.  They always say about taking a test, “When in doubt, pick C”.  Well, ACORN says when in doubt about which career cluster to choose for your “unique” line of work, choose “performing arts”.  There’s a reason why prostitution isn’t listed on the code sheet, imbecile.
  4. Become  a yardbird. When buying  a home, be sure to choose a home that has a huge back yard that is covered with lush grass because, according to Video 3, the best way to hide our valuables is to bury them.  This tip does not apply to hose living in New Orleans.
  5. Help your neighbors. Even they are prostitutes about to smuggle 13 girls in illegally.  Offer them your help in any way possible.  If you sell goods or services, go a step higher like the ladies in Video 1 and offer the prostitute a discount for whatever you’re offering to help her get her feet off the ground in her “new office”.
  6. Always be creative. You can’t call prostitution “prostitution” forever, you now.  Video 3 shows us that making a list of 3 different names for prostitution can be fun.  Homework: How many different ways can you call her a moron?
  7. Don’t stress about the fine details in life. Just lop off a zero or two from your income when filing taxes and your good to go!  Video 1 shows us there’s no need to pay taxes for $96,000 of income when you could very easily pay taxes for $9,600 of income.  It’s not cheating, it’s just smart money-management.
  8. Be proactive. If you think you’ve been wronged, do something about it!  Even if your in hot water for doing something far worse.  The Maryland office of ACORN reinforces this lesson by the lawsuit they lobbied against Fox News, Hannah Giles, and James O’Keefe, even though they currently don’t have a license to operate in Maryland.  ACORN’s offense of operating without a license is far more punishable by law, but because they got to the punch first they get a “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
  9. Only speak when spoken to.  Don’t offer up the illegal aspects of your life unless your asked, and in that situation it’s no big deal to speak in code.  Video 1 shows us that the shadier details of your life should be kept under wraps.  The government is everywhere, which is why your story should not be.  I wonder if there’s any way to hid your sketchy details in that box of money in the backyard?
  10. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I guess it would be the acorn in this case.  All four ACORN offices involved in the scandal so far have proven us one thing: a family truly can be formed in the office.  Just as blue eyes may be passed down from generation-to-generation, the tendency to make corrupt and unlawful decisions with clients is passed from ACORN employee to ACORN employee.  Maybe it’s something in the water?

What do you think of these life lessons?  If you can think of any further life lessons ACORN has taught us over the past week, leave them as a comment or send them in to theconservativejournal@gmail.com and they may be featured on the site!

Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to bookmark The Conservative Journal and sign up for the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

Also, Deluxe Membership is now available, click here to join for free and you could win a brand new netbook!

Thanks for reading!

Rick

Also, be sure and use the new rating feature, found at the bottom of comments and posts!

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Filed under Top Tens

Video of the Day: Kanye West Interrupts President Obama’s Healthcare Speech

This is too funny.  I was sent this by a loyal reader, and I felt that everyone deserved to bask in the funny.  Watch below:

What do you think of the video?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to bookmark The Conservative Journal and sign up for the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

Also, Deluxe Membership is now available, click here to join for free and you could win a brand new netbook!

Thanks for reading!

Rick

Also, be sure and use the new rating feature, found at the bottom of comments and posts!

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Filed under Video of the Day

ColorOfChange.org Has Nothing To Do With It’s Time

I wasn’t blogging again when Glenn Beck called Obama a racist, so here’s my opinion in a sentence or two:

I don’t really agree with him, but I do know that he’s got a right to his opinion.  I do think though that Obama sees race and it influences his decisions.  So take with that what you will.

Anyway, after his comments there was, understandably, a considerable amount of outrage.  It gave MSNBC good ammunition for a couple of days, and with viewer numbers like theirs, God knows they needed it.  However, ColorOfChange.org took it a step further and decided they should start a petition to get advertisers to remove advertising from The Glenn Beck Program.  So far they’ve been successful in getting GEICO, Lawyers.com, Progressive Insurance, Procter & Gamble, and SC Johnson to drop they’re advertisements from the program.  Now, they’re definitely entitled to start they’re little petition, and obviously they had enough support to get it somewhere.  But how, might I ask, does this further the mission of the Color Of Change Organization?  That’s got me scratching my head.

If your not familiar with ColorOfChange.org, here’s a little bit about them in their words: “ColorOfChange.org is strengthening Black America’s political voice”.  So, by getting advertisers to pull out of Glenn Beck’s show, they are strengthening Black America’s voice?  How does this “make the government more responsive to the concerns of Black America’s”?  Answer:  It doesn’t.  This is just hate from the left to combat the opinions of the right.

I’m not sure what ColorOfChange.org was doing when Kanye West called George Bush a racist in 2005 (and even went as far as to say that he didn’t care about black people), but I find it hard to believe they were doing anything but nodding along.  I can remember laughing at my friends that were “boycotting Kanye West forvever!” because of his comments because, quite frankly, who cares?  If he thinks that, more power to him.  By the way, “Heartless” by Kanye West is one of my favorite rap/R&B songs ever EVEN THOUGH Kanye thinks Dubya is a crazy racist.

So, ColorOfChange.org, the next time you guys are bored and need a fun petition to start, do something productive that actually helps fulfill your “cause”.  Because I assure, Glenn Beck will find advertisers, no matter how many people you “convince” to drop his show.  He comes on at 5 and still has ya prime-time boy Olbermann beat in viewers.

What do you think of the petition?  What’s your opinion of ColorOfChange.org?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to bookmark The Conservative Journal and sign up for the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

Thanks for reading!

Rick

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Filed under Barack Obama, Breaking News, Glenn Beck

I’mmm Baaaraaack!

Hey guys, sorry for the extended summer leave.  I’m going to be quite honest and say that after my big trip at the end of May/beginning-of-July, I was just exhausted.  Not to mention that I was getting sick of the way politics in our fine nation were headed.  So I decided to take a few months off, regroup my thoughts and return when ready.  That’s why I didn’t leave a “formal” (as formal as you can get on a small to midsized WordPress blog), but rather just left quietly.  If you look back on my last few days of posting, it’s clear that I was running out of creativity and energy.  So for your sanity and mine I decided a break was necessary.  And man did a lot happen during that break!  I decided I’m not really a conservative, sold my car and bought a bike, stole an Obama t-shirt, spread rumors about Sarah Palin, and most of all became the number 1 supporter of Obamacare!  So…… how was your summer?

Now obviously that’s all one big lie, though apparently lies are the going thing these days.  What really did happen this summer was eye opening:  I saw for the first time that our country really is headed south.  I joked about it via this blog/life in general (Don’t worry, I still will), but it occurred to me over the summer things are getting bad.  Having said that, I’m still the same person and chances are this blog won’t become any more serious than it was before.  I’m now just…. aware.  I’ve never really hinted at my age on this blog so it doesn’t influence the way it’s read, but I’m a pretty young guy.  And though I’ve been interested in politics since our election for Crayon Czar in first grade, I feel like for the first time I really understand what’s happening around us.  So hopefully I can bring some of that understanding through in my posts.

I look forward to posting as I used to, though I’ll probably avoid the filler posts for now.  They’re tons of fun for me because that’s the way I like to broaden my horizons, but I’m probably gonna be too busy, at least until after Christmas.  If it looks I have time for it I’ll be sure to bring it back!

Thrilled to be back everyone!

Thanks!

Rick

P.S. Who caught the punny title?  +1 smart points for you!

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Video of the Day: The National Debt Road Trip

I saw this video on YouTube and I thought it provided a great illustration of just how much we are going to spend over the next few years.  I think it really puts into perspective the way we’re going is not the solution.  Here’s the video:

To watch other videos like this one, click here to view 1000pennies YouTube channel.

What do you think of this illustration?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to bookmark The Conservative Journal and sign up for the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

Thanks for participating!

Rick

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Politics, Video of the Day

TCJ Honorary Plaque of Fail: FreeCreditReport.com

Apparently I’m the last one to figure this out, but that’s the norm these days.

NEWSFLASH:

FreeCreditReport.com is not free.  In fact it costs $15 a month.  The company behind the service is now forced to alter there catchy commericals due to the recent crackdown on the credit card and credit industries.  Suppliers of these “free” services now have to inlcude “This is not the free credit report provided for by Federal law” in all tv and radio advertisements.  They must also now inform consumers that the only free credit report service is AnnualCreditReport.com.

I’ve never been in search of a credit report service, but it’s a real shame that people didn’t do further investigating when looking for a free report.  If they hadn’t been drawn in by FreeCreditReport.com’s catchy jingles, they could have easily found the free alternative.  So for catchy jingles, FreeCreditReport.com gets a thumbs up.  But for scamming consumers out of millions, two big thumbs down.

FreeCreditReport.com, The Conservative Journal honors you with the “Honorary Plaque of Fail” because you’re going to have a heck of time developing a well written jingle that includes “15 Dollar a Month credit report dot com” and “This is not the free credit report provided for by Federal law”.  Best of luck.

What do you think of this services trickery?  How long have you known about this?  Longer than I have, I assure you.  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to bookmark The Conservative Journal and sign up for the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

Thanks for participating!

Rick

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor, TCJ Honorary Plaque of Fail

Poll of the Day: What Do You Think of Barack’s Speech?

What do you think of Barack’s speech at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner?  Vote below in today’s poll of the day!

If you missed the speech, you can watch the full version here.

Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to subscribe to the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

Thanks for reading!

Rick

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Filed under Barack Obama, Entertainment, Humor, Poll of the Day

Video of the Day: Barack’s (Or His Writers) Got Jokes!

I was in the car today driving to see my family for Mother’s Day and I heard on on the FOX News radio channel on XM several clips from Barack’s epic speech at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.  I just found the full clip, and I must say Barack’s funny here.  I realize he more than likely didn’t write any of it, but he delivered it well and at least he’s not above picking fun at his incessant use of the teleprompter.  It’s a great watch and definitely worth the 17 minutes of your life it will consume.  Here is the full speech:

What do you think?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to subscribe to the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

Thanks for stopping by!

Rick

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Filed under Barack Obama, Entertainment, Humor, Video of the Day

Video of the Day: “Blame It”, Barack Obama Style

Sorry again for such little posting over the past week; it wasn’t a tough few days!  Everything should be back to normal now.

Here’s a funny video that Totally Sketch made.  It’s a remake of Jamie Foxx’ latest song “Blame It”.  Once again, their ability to find actors that are perfect for the characters is amazing.

What do you think of this video?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Don’t forget to subscribe to the RSS Feed and the daily e-mail newsletter.

Thanks for reading!

Rick

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Video of the Day

DUmmies Exposed: Bipartisanship Means Follow Barack

Democratic DUmmies from the DUmp

I found this in the DUmmy thread over at Conservative Underground.  In the eyes of this moonbat, bipartisanship cooperation means meeting the Democrats “halfway” at 70-30, meaning 70% what the Dems want and 30% what Republicans want.  When people seriously think that is the case, there is real problem.  Here is the original post, though vulgarities have been edited for this site:

The Republicans need to understand what bipartisanship means in the Age of Obama.
Edited on Mon Apr-27-09 05:29 PM by Drunken Irishman
It’s not the middle. The American people have rebuked the Republican ideology in two elections now and don’t want to go back to it for the foreseeable future. So when Eric Cantor and others talk about bipartisanship, they must realize the ideological shift that accompanied this country with the election of the Democrats in 2006 and Pres. Obama in 2008.

That means bipartisanship begins left of center. Obama’s stimuls is what the American people voted for, not the same old failed policies of the Bush era. If they want to compromise with Pres. Obama, they have got to realize that compromise comes on his terms, not theirs. That’s what the American people want and that’s what they’re going to get, no matter how much Republicans complain.

So sorry, Mr. Cantor, bipartisanship means you actually have to meet the President at no worse than 70-30, because that’s the political climate facing this country. If you can’t accept that, then maybe you should find out why the American people continue to reject Republican ideals and fix it to the point where you can get back into power.

And if you can’t do that, then just sit down and shut the f*** up.

Here’s another “open-minded” liberal:

1. They have two options
1. Negotiate from a position of weakness and get whatever they can scratch out
2. Be shut out of the process altogether.

That’s one of my favorite hypocracies fromt he left; that they are the “open-minded” political.  Their open-mindedness stops at the party line.  Here’s yet another:

4. And that’s why the Republicans are out of power.
They’re tone deaf, I swear.

Americans have buried Reagan and all he stood for with the election of Barack Obama.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe they can’t get over that Obama killed their hero.

haha, I love it!

That would make more sense if the election results were split 70/30, but thankfully they were not.  Bipartisan cooperation is an equal effort on both sides, or at least something a lot closer than 70/30.  I’m sure that in a few years when Republicans are back in power as the Democrats are now these people’s views will be much, much different.

What do you think of this liberal nonsense?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.  Also, don’t forget to sign up for The Conservative Journal RSS Feed here and the daily e-mail newsletter here.
Thanks for reading!

Rick


2 Comments

Filed under DUmmies Exposed, Entertainment, Humor

Video of the Day: More Fun Gaffe’s Courtesy of Barack

Oh man, I just love when Barack treats us to some great humor!  It is a recession you know, so this free entertainment is much appreciated.  The latest little gaffe is a really doozy.  I like how he exerts zero effort in trying to cover it.  That either shows that he doesn’t care at all, or he had no idea what he was talking about at the time.  Either one is very upsetting.  Watch the gaffe below:

What do you think?  Leave your comments below or send an e-mail to theconservativejournal@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading!

Rick

1 Comment

Filed under Barack Obama, Entertainment, Humor, Video of the Day

Goodbye Arlen.

I know this is “No Politics Tuesday”, but it would just be disrespectful to ole Arlen to not bid him farewell.

Dear Arlen,

Don’t feel bad for switching over to the dark side.  We have no use for you here.  I’d much rather you be happy with the Dems and vote for pork and such than be infuriating us here on the right.  Next time a stimulus comes up for a vote (it’s about time for a new, don’t you think?), you can guiltlessly vote away!  We will not miss you any more than you will miss us.  Hope the weather’s nice on the left!

Thanks again for leaving,

Rick

P.S. While you’re packing up your cubicle at the Republican Headquarters, could you please encourage Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe to follow you out the door?  That’d be great.

What do you think about Arlen shipping out?  Leave your comments below or e-mail us at theconservativejournal@gmail.com

Thanks for reading!

Rick

3 Comments

Filed under Arlen Spector, Entertainment, Humor, Letters to the Big Dogs, Politics

Video of the Day: Barack’s Got Some Skills!

I found this video on YouTube and felt it was very much worthy of being the Video of the Day.

This guy immitating Barack does a great job.  What do you think?  Leave your comments below or send us an e-mail at theconservativejournal@gmail.com if you have a good video for the Video of the Day segment!
Thanks for reading!

Rick

1 Comment

Filed under Barack Obama, Humor, Video of the Day