The most corrupt corporation in the country? Absolutely.
Oh man, what a day this has been. Announements for huge layoffs from some of the nations top corporations, Blagojavich’s exhilarating press tour, and many more wonderfully uplifting stories kept my phone constantly buzzing with e-mails for the entire day. Everytime I received a new update I sighed as it became increasingly evident that we are certainly in some kind of a mess right now, and there are no signs of any slow down anytime soon. Here are the “highlights” of today’s events:
1. Remember all of our money that we were so generously forced to give to the failing finance industry? Well I’m glad I can rest easy with the information that CitiGroup is spending all the funds on something worthwhile: A brand new, luxurious corporate jet. But no, as if that is not bad enough, the jet was made in FRANCE. So not only are they wasting our money on new aviation, but they can’t even spend it in America and benefit our economy. The next wave of bailouts will no doubt be for the fuel the plane requires.
2. Everyone’s favorite congressmen Barney Frank secured 12 million of our dollars for his personal favorite bank to make sure it stays afloat while the FDIC is in the process of SUING the bank. I would like to know when I can secure $12 million for my own personal piggy bank.
3. Timothey Geithner was confirmed today our new Secretary of the Treasuery. Well great, maybe his accountant can became “America’s Accountant” and screw up on all our taxes too. That might not be too bad, actually, with all the extra cash in our poctects from crappy tax assessment maybe we can improve the economy!
4. 57,000 Americans joined the ranks of the unemployed today, and here’s the companies that contributed to this staggering number: 20,000 layoff from Caterpillar Inc, Pfizer Inc. contributed to 8,000 of the job losses, 8,000 eliminations from Sprint Nextel Inc, 7,000 people are being cut from Home Depot, 2,000 were cut from General Motors, and about 17,000 more were cut overseas. What a day, what a day.
5. Rod Blagojavich had an exhilararting day in the press, floating from news station to news station spreading his falsehoods. In the process he comopared himself to, now get this, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and Martin Luther King, Jr. I am having trouble finding ANY similarites between this moron and those three. I have a feeling those three had slightly higher approval ratings than 7%.
What do you think about today’s events? How much longer can Blagojavich jog in spandex like everything is ok? Send us your comments at firstname.lastname@example.org and we might post them on the site! Or, if technology isn’t your thing, leave us a comment below!